The roots we seek
by waterbade
Summary: Kaylee keeps a little secret for those homesick moments, and sometimes she shares with her friends.


**The roots we seek**

Inara sat on the the stairs, her dress was spread neatly around her her hair brushed. She couldn't stop making an effort, it was not only a habit, but part of who she was. No matter how long they traveled through space alone she always looked perfect. As today, she looked a little bit dreamy maybe, but not really discontent. She was though. It was one off these days again. One of these days that never seemed to end, that stretched and stretched into eternity.

Inara missed her home. She missed her family of course. But mostly she missed the feeling of not moving. The feeling of knowing where she was. A feeling of … being rooted, being on the ground. It was herd to describe. She felt like a see-sick sailor, lost in the vast emptiness of space. Waiting, all the time waiting, for something to happen, for a job to come up, or for Walsh to get them to their destiny safely.

She felt helpless. And then she started to miss her job, the power she had over people. She could not apply her specific talents on Serenity's crew. Not too often anyway. It wouldn't be good. She already had enough problems with Mal, she couldn't afford having those problems with the others too.

In moments like these she would use to wonder around Serenity looking for something that grounded her. Often she would seek out Mal, they would sit and talk. And Inara would remember why she was here, how important this was for the crew. However the feeling of loss wouldn't quite disappear after this meetings. It only weakened. It was the passing of time that slowly let it dissolve, leaving a soft ache whenever she thought of home, of land.

Inara wondered if maybe this was how River felt when she asked for home. Actually she was pretty sure that this was how River felt. There was something about that girl. Something Inara could relate to. She was so utterly childlike, so innocent in a way that you could never really be angry with her or afraid of her. Even though Inara knew she could be dangerous. But she doubted that the girl would hurt any of them. They had grown to be her family.

A soft footfall startled Inara out of her thoughts. She looked up and a soft shine spread in her eyes. It was Kaylee, her face smeared with oil, and her hair all wild. Kaylee always looked dirty, always looked totally at peace with herself. But in contrary to Inara Kaylee wasn't a trained actress. So her feelings showed on her face, and they were always genuine.

"Hey 'Nara, whatcha doin' there? Lookin' all alone?" Inara wonderd how Kaylee did it, seeing right through the mask she used to fool so many people. It never worked on the mechanic. Kaylee climbed the stairs, skipping one step every now and then. "T'is one of these days again, huh?" She reached Inara and crouched down beside her. Inara looked into Kaylee's eyes. "Yes, I guess it is." She was quiet for a second, giving Kaylee the time to sit down. "How do you know Kaylee? How come you can tell when nobody else can?" she asked rather casually. Her was voice soft as she was trying not to give herself away. There was a small voice in her head, whispering that maybe she was loosening her drive. Maybe her brilliance was faltering, she couldn't have that.

Kaylee frowned, clearly thinking about the question. "I dunno. Maybe it's because I'm learnin' from Serenity. She's sensitive. If you wanna keep her goin' you need to see more than the outside."

"So it's a mechanic's thing?" Inara said.

Kaylee grinned. "Ah well, could be. But maybe it's just 'coz I know you as well as I know Serenity. You're sensitive too ya know." this caused Inara to smile. Kaylee always knew a way to cheer her up. When Mal punched her up on her job, saying she was a whore, or other things. Kaylee kept her sane by telling her that she was worth something, that she was a good person. That she was liked.

"Thank you Kaylee. My bao-mei you know I love you, right?" Kaylee nodded cheerfully. She hugged Inara and laid her head on her lap. "Tell me about your home."

Inara thought for a second, then she took a deep breath and started. "Sinonh isn't that different from other planets. More crowded obviously and I guess more complicated. The great city itself is... pictures cant capture it, it's like an ocean of light. I loved it there."

"It sounds lovely." Kaylee whispered her eyes closed.

"It is. It's my home. And it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been." Inara said, stroking Kaylees hair. Kaylee had beautyful hair, all soft and strong it would just need brushing from time to time. And every time Kaylee would let her she would take a brush and pull it through Kaylees hair in long deliberate strokes. They both enjoyed those times of companionship.

"Then why'd you leave?" Kaylee breathed almost inaudible.

"Well I wanted to see the universe." Inara said rolling her eyes a little. "And I … most times I'm glad about it. I've learned so much, seen so many places and met so many people. Wonderful people like you, and Mal and the whole crew."

"Hmmhmm." Kaylee murmured. "You must know so many stories. Must be great."

"Yeah." Inara sighed.

Kaylee stirred and waited for Inara to take her hands away. Then she sat up. "You don't have to be so sad, ya know."

Inara smiled. "I just miss.. the ground, I guess. Don't you?"

Kaylee stood up. "I do. But I have something special for those moments. C'mon I'll show it to you."

She extended a hand to help Inara up. The companion took it and Kaylee pulled her towards her bunk. "Here ya go, only place in the verse that's all mine."

"I know." Inara chuckled. "Serenity is your home, the crew is your family. It's mine too. And I love it. But this is not..."

Kaylee shushed her. "I'm not talking about my bunk, you silly. There's something else."

"Ah. And that would be what?" Inara raised an eyebrow, mocking Kaylee. Still she was a little excited about what was going to come. Kaylee only had a few secrets, therefore they had to be very special. The mechanic opened a cupboard and rummaged through it. "It must be here. Somewhere." she muttered to herself. Finally she took out a little brown bag. There was a triumphant look on her face. "Close your eyes and give me your hand" she said.

Inara complied and shortly after felt something soft and crumbly and a little bit moist. She opened her eyes in amazement. "Is that..?"

Kaylee grinned even more. "My own lil piece of earth. It's shiny, ain't it?"

Inara smiled letting the soil slide through her fingers. "It is."


End file.
